Olivia and I were pregnant at roughly the same time. Over coffee (naturally) we traded pregnancy feelings, birth hopes & wishes, and then, within a few months of each other, we both became mothers. Her son Aksel arrived a few months before my daughter, which means Olivia has become something of a quiet guide for me. She's always just a few steps ahead on the path.
So when she started sharing a little about her experience with weaning, I listened closely. I knew my own time could be coming soon.
I suspect I'm not the only one. For many of us, that time is coming soon(ish). For others, it has already come and gone, maybe gently, maybe suddenly, maybe not quite on the terms we'd hoped for.
Breastfeeding is a relationship between two people. Like any relationship, it has its wins and its losses. There's joy. There's sadness. And there's grief, sometimes all in the same day.
Olivia is an acupuncturist and co-founder of Alternettle, so she brings a Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) lens to this chapter. But more than anything, she brings honesty. I asked her a few questions on motherhood and weaning.
What’s one sentence that describes how motherhood is sitting with you right now?
Everything everywhere all at once.
It’s full of contradictions. I’m the most exhausted I’ve ever been in my life, yet also the most fulfilled. All my energy is poured into aks yet he has also brought me closer to myself and made me a better practitioner - I cant describe it, but even in the hardest parts this red thread pulling me up . I feel more discerning about everything too - I’m more in tune with my intuition, more certain about my choices and where my energy is spent . I guess that makes sense. Protecting this very very special little guy is now a huge privilege and life purpose.
Tell me about your decision to begin weaning: how did you feel like you or your baby were ready?
Weaning has got to be up there with the toughest parts of motherhood so far. My Aks loves the boob! And honestly, so have I. We co-sleep, at first it was easy. We were in sync, semi lucid through the night feeds and then back into that blissful post nursing sleep. But it’s slowly got harder. He’s been waking 4–6 times a night demanding the boob, neither of us is getting proper rest and we’re all just absolutely shattered. I’ve also lost far too much weight. In TCM we say breast milk is made from blood, so after 15 months of feeding around the clock, I’m seriously blood and qi deficient, basically running on empty. I can see it in my weight, my sleep, my moods, my energy, my face… all the classic signs. So after 15 months, I finally feel ready. I’m also so grateful I got to breastfeed, because I know this journey isn’t as easy for everyone.
How did you land on your approach to weaning? Did you follow a guide or resource, or listen to your intuition?
This is actually our second go. The first time was a couple of months ago. Nearly everyone told me to leave him with my partner for three nights, but after being inseparable since the day he was born, that just didn’t feel right. Instead I went with intuition and TCM, which sees weaning as something to do gradually so the body, and the emotions, can adjust. I used acupuncture points like Gallbladder 41, which is traditionally used to help the milk ease off, along with raw malted barley (mai ya), a classic Chinese herb for gently drying up milk. We started by stopping the night feeds.
It worked, but he was starting daycare at the same time, poor little guy. It was way too much for him and he got quite sick, so we went back to feeding on demand. Then it got messy. Whenever he was well we’d try to take it away again, then he’d get sick again, and we’d be back to square one. It was confusing for all of us.
Now we’ve got a proper plan, and it feels like it’s moving quickly. I’m on day three of the second round. We’re lucky that he eats really well, so food is a great distraction. In the evenings I wear a sports bra and a high neck top, so he can fall asleep on me rather than searching for the nipple. We’re already down to three feeds across the whole day. Hopefully tomorrow we get to two, and I’ll keep those until it feels right to stop completely. Maybe a week or so, but let’s see. I’ll let Aksel lead the way.
My biggest tip for anyone weaning:
Make sure there are no other big life transitions happening at the same time. If you can, wait until cold and flu season is out of the way too (not easy here in NL!). And if you want to try herbs, see a practitioner rather than DIY-ing it. And acupuncture helps! As the weaning emotions are real.
What’s surprised you the most about weaning?
The emotional toll. I feel so guilty… the tears are very very very real.. And I know there’s a dip coming for me too. I’ve learned that when the breastfeeding hormones drop off, it’s really common to feel a bit teary and flat for a while. In TCM, we’d say all that emotion can get a bit stuck. So I’m trying to be really gentle with myself, letting the feelings come, resting when I can and popping a few acupuncture needles in myself in the moments in between. Then the next step is the long road to rebuilding everything. Lots of congee, bone broths and red dates! It took 15 months so I’m not expecting to bounce back overnight.
A few closing thoughts
There is no single right way to wean. Advice will come from every direction. Olivia heard the same "leave for three nights" suggestion so many of us hear, and chose a slower path because it fit her family. Your intuition counts.
Timing matters. If you have any choice in it, avoid stacking weaning on top of other big transitions.
Your body has been working hard. Months of feeding take something from us. Rest, nourishment and support afterwards are a necessary part of the process.
The feelings are real. Guilt and relief can sit side by side. So can grief and pride. It's common to feel teary or flat as hormones shift, so be gentle with yourself. And if low mood lingers or feels heavier than a dip, please reach out to your midwife, GP, postpartum doula or another care provider. You don't have to wait it out alone.
Thank you, Olivia, for sharing so openly. You can find Olivia and her work at Alternettle.